Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
