you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize