I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
where are you?
Hypothermia
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
