High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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