two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
