Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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