Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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