bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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