He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
tell me about the fingering
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
