watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
