His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
