sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
