Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
