someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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