Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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