Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
