Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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