Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
