I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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