Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
