On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
