I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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