My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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