If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
