Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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