i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You made out with two different species that night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
