last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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