I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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