Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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