I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
