I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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