it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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