It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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