I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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