Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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