I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
