Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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