We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
