I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.