I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream