Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.