Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
