Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
