He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
