Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
