you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
