and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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