Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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