Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
