Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
