2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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