You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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