did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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