Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
