Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
