So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
