you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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