happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
