His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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