can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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