I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just threw up on my dentist
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
