I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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