dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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