butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
