Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize