U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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